If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
