the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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