Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
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