His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
areolas are like halos for boobs.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
