guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
where am i from again
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
