He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
