Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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