i permit you to call me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
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I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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