he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
