my vag is so smooth its legendary
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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