I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
