Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
