Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
