the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
