Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
