I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
