if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
