If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
