Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
