also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
