we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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