Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
