went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
