Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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