grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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