have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
