Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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