just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize