captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
