i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
