Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
