I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
