New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
