It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My bed smells like the plague
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
