omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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