We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
