So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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