Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
