do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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