you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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