I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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