Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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