she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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