The maid of honor just puked.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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