Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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