The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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