Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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