ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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