I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
