don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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