i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
