:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize