Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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