I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
