Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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