he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
