my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
