8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize