i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
