I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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