Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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