I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
