Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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