This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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