A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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