Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
