"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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