It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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