and she was petting her beer can
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
