I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
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Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
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Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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