Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
