How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Are my feet made of real feet?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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