every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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