honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You made out with two different species that night
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Randomize
