Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
