I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
