dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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