We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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