I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
