Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
